Monday, December 19, 2005

A Public apology

its been a high time since i blogged. n everytime i wanted decided to post something new, i wud read the last post n feel so low that i just wudnt be able to post :P. waise i thot i wud start with a cheery post but this is more of a confession and an apology rather than some smart alec take on ne random situation. yeah so now a public apology for being sooo soo so very selfish. for havin a myopic view of situations, for being ........(plz add ur own adjectives kyun ki isse ura mein apne baare mein nahi bol sakti n if u want to add ne nice words then i can always suggest a few ;) )
but i guess this is again gettin into the smart alec mood. so now cut straight to the apology.
i know i was being insenstivie when i took my frnds for granted, i knew i was being unreasonable when i thot that my frnds wud understand that my harsh were were just that that 'words'.....devoid of ne rationale, ne sense...just nething that one associates with langauge (that it is upposed to communicate n inform n not miscommunicate..but i guess i m always weak on that front) neways cumin bk to the apology thingy ( i never thot sayin sorry wud be sooo soo very difficult *uggghhhh*)
yea now the direct apology. well deeps i m sorry. the worse part is wen u forgive so unconditionally knowing that the scars will always remain n the hurt will always remain, yet u dont want to lash out, u dontr want to say something that will hurt me. rather u cannot say something that will hurt me. coz thats not u. wen azariah had once asked me how can we both be frnds i had told her that all my frnds are just the opposite if what i m . firmly grounded n mature. my immaturity never really bothered me coz i always haad frnds who were more that willing to understand, to show graciously that ther were mature enuf to let go.
but for the first time i m ashamed,.... ashamed of the fact that i didnt know where to draw the line between immaturity n insensitivity.
there are times when i want to tell my frnds that they mean the world to me but i think that there is no need to say that , u will understand. yet when i hv to convey how angry i m , i dont pause, i dont think that "yea, u r a frnd n u will understand that i m angry, i m hurt , frustrated n blah blah blah." i hv to convey that n believe me there are times when i widh i wud hv kept shut instead.
ajun pan barach kahi sangayche ahe. jitkya evela sorry mhaneen titka kamich ahe. but i thot that this is the best way to say sorry. my actions hv humiliated me, so i guess a public apology wont hurt( but well it does hurt. to say sorry is difficult, but sayin that on ur own bloody blo where u r the might alec is even worse)
SO DEEPTI I M REALLY VERY SORRY . I DONT EXPECT A BIG HEARTED MAAFI ( well actually i do) but i do expect that u will understand that there is a difference between intentionally hurtin sumone n unintentionally doin so. this time it was unintentional. so i guess thats it.

PS: this is full on stream of consciousness wrirtin so plz dont point out the spellin mistakes or the grammatical ones